Why Won’t Google Give Me Relevant Information

Looks like the webmasters at Google have done it again. It seems that even the most innocuous interrogatives can give you the strangest Google suggestions. Take this, for example:

The Horror!

Now, if this isn’t the strangest thing I’ve ever seen, then I don’t know what could top it. Just attempting to wrap your mind around the meaning for all of this could leave with a mental hangover. If this strangeness wasn’t horrible enough, the suggestion three lines below it is just as bad:


The world is full of cruel people, it seems. Folks, don’t drink and google.

Indie Jesus!


Indie people have recently come to my attention as the “new hippie,” though you could never get away with calling them that to their face. Well, along with the rest of Indie culture, we now have a savior for these mountain men, one who “doesn’t take no crap from the man.” While Indie Jesus may have kept his sacrosanct sandals and beard, he has been given a +1 Sweater Vest of Truth to replace his simple, white robes, and the addition of a vintage belt assures Him that He’ll be accepted at the next Pitchfork staff meeting.

I wonder if He stays up nights listening to Bon Iver? Now all we need is Hipster Paul of Tarsus.